


Dearest Shuichi.

by turtlebish



Series: My weird parody/crack fics [5]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Beautiful, Let Go, M/M, glorious, go read it i know you want it, peak of poetry, to your deepest desire, which is to read this fic, you just need to stop denying it yourself, you know yourself you want it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 04:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19077580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtlebish/pseuds/turtlebish
Summary: Reading this will make you understand the sense of your life.





	Dearest Shuichi.

_My dearest Shuichi_

_There are moments in your life, when you need to slow down. There are moments, when the true men know when to stop, and think over. Think over, everything that led them to certain events - the moment of reconsidiretion, and facing of consequences._

_this is, what am I going to do in this letter._

_My dearest Shuichi, today was a beautiful day outside. Birds were lagging, flowers were screaming, on days like these... Big men in black garnitures come around to steal little kids._

_And so, they eventually knocked to our door, while you were still in your job. So I opened them, and they said "hello sir, can we steal some kids? " so I said "no sir, u may not steal some kids" And then they said "that's too bad sir - but sir, you look like a toddler too" so they offered they would kidnap me, so naturally, I have declined, and thus they respected my decision because no means no. But then they said "we can give you candies" so naturally, I agreed. And then we all ended up in the truck._

_Now shuichi - that was certainly one of the best decision in my life. Getting kidnapped for the candies is really, one of the best things that could have happen in my life. Or at least I thought so, before they showed me the candies. Shuichi... Those were tofi. I hate tofi. So I said "but I hate tofi" and so they said "We're very sorry sir, but we guarantee we will buy whatever candies you want later" however, them making me wait, offended me deeply, and so I have turned around the entire truck and caused a crash. Now, you may ask me how I did this - but you know me very well, so I trust you already know how I did this._

_Anyway, I stumbled from the track completely untouched by crash - again, if you wonder why my love, just use your imagination. But as I was walking away, I heard one of the business men calling out to me. So I turned around - he was stuck under the track. He said to me "wait... Before you go... Let me tell you the tragic tale of my people... "_

_And so he started talking about how he was little, his parents took him to Disney land so he could see little mermaid. And so they found one - however, something went wrong, and the tail fell off. He said it was then, when he realised that mermaids don't actually exist, and he said this have deeply scarred him, and it's still one of the most traumatic events in his life, and that this is what turned him into the cold man he is now._

_After he finished his tale, I patted him twice and went away, to the new journey. And if you wonder why I called this journey - it's because now I was in a weird road, with some deserts around me. So I was walking straight, and soon I saw supermarket. I stumbled there, and asked the cashier "hello sir, do u know how to get to shuichi's house? " and he said "no sir, I do not know how to get to shuichi's house" and so I just started looking around for necessary items I needed to survive - one of them was a cat toy. Soon however, I heard crashing sound - it was little girl, who with brutal force, kicked off the door. And so she screamed "SIR! I NEED FOOD! I NEED TO FEED MY FAMILY! " and then the cashier said "no sir, I do not know how to find I need food I need to feed my family" the girl nodded with deep understanding, and so she started looking around - and so she saw me. And then she said "SIR! I NEED FOOD! I NEED TO FEED MY FAMILY" and so I said "little girl, what do you know about the pain of war? Nothing. " she looked like she was about to cry so I added " I have met a man who thought that mermaids were real. Then he found out the truth. You know what happened? He broke. " the little girl was just whimpering " I nEDD to fEED my family "_

_Suddenly the girl with glasses and blue octopus hair that have been just around said "you're all idiots and you're talking completely out of the context, I'm pretty sure y'all retarded npcs but idc, bye" so she said, and left._

_I looked once more at girl, and she said " money" "money what? " I ask. "Money to feed my family " and because I ran out of anything I'm able to say, I just gave her those money. She happily took them and left the market, while jumping. I followed her to see what would happen. And so I saw her, walking to the sun - then she got hit by a truck._

_I stood there shooked. How could it have happen? Just a moment ago, I've seen here jumping happily, and now she was dead. But before my shook could even pass, I feel hand on my body - i look at the owner, and it was the same little girl that just got hit by a truck. She said she's my and that girl's twin sister, as well as our mother, and she wants my money - thankfully before she said anything else, started walking to the sun, and also got hit by a truck._

_My dear shuichi, I had no idea what was that, and I didn't even try to understand. All I know, is that I lost my 20 dollars for nothing. But before I left that place, I decided to pray for the first little girl. I also wondered a bit what will happen to her family now._

_But there was nothing I could do, so I started walking. Thankfully, after only few hours, I saw strange little city. And when I noticed people walking around, I started asking them around "hello, do u know where's shuichi's house?" "No sir, I do not know where is shuichi's house" each of them replied. And so I thanked them, and I started looking for the place I could have spent the night, because it was getting dark. However, it was nearly impossible - so I thought a little bit of an idea - I took some street cat, and told him "you need to find me place to spend night" the cat meowed, jumped into random window, and attacked whoever was there. So after it went quiet, I entered the apartment through that the same window, but then I saw - the person my cat attacked wasn't dead at all! In fact, he was still in the middle of a deadly match! So I said "fluffy buppy, that's enough" and so my cat showed him mercy. The man, looked at me from the floor, and shout "who are you!?" And so I replied "I am jinn, I can grant you three wishes - well only two, since I already granted your wish when I saved your life", and so he replied "you're mistaken good sir, I did not wish to be saved at all, I would gladly die here in this very moment"_

_And so even though it was his house, I offered him tea, and so he started the tragic tale of his people. He said that few days ago he won a lottery, but as he was going to get his prize, his ex girlfriend showed up. She said that if the guy won't give her the prize, she will go tell police she's a ghost and that the man was the one who killed her. Now, that's incredibly stupid, right? But as the man said that to women, she said she'd make sure that the police men she will be reporting to will be the stupid ones, and that she will bring some "medium" so it would be "more realistic". And so, the man still didn't want to agree - he needed the money to pay for the appartament and for the college. But things got worse after she kidnapped his hamsters, and so he was very lost. Naturally, I offered him my help. I left his house and went to his ex (he told me her adress)._

_And so I met up with her. I told her "hey bish can u like stop being bitch to ur ex like he's an awesome guy" and explained his situation to her - but then, she told me the MOST interesting thing "actually I'm the one who won that ticket, and he's actually trying to steal it from me" and so I quickly called the guy and he said "no way dude she's lying I'm the one who won it"_

_but then as we watched the news - it appeared that they both were the winners_

_and thus as the rightful civil, and going along with old Chinese quote, I naturally proceeded to steal those tickets._

_My dearest shuichi, you might wonder why I'm telling you all this - see, after I stole those tickets and police started to go after me, I got stuck in weird bathroom at one place. Wouldn't be that bad, but there's a guy here who said he won't let me go till I beat him in cards_

_And it wouldn't be bad if it wasn't for the fact he plays pretending to know the rules, so it takes much longer than I expected_

_and this is is why, my dearest shuichi, I forgot to close the oven, could you do it for me, love? k thx_

**Author's Note:**

> hi


End file.
